Okay, so I thought I was going to write on here so much more than I did. I’m sorry.
But. The year is almost over and I have something to say in reflection: I did too much in 2012. I tried to grow and change and shake things up and I’m starting to think maybe I overdid it. In 2012:
- I moved from my parents’ house to my best friend’s apartment to an apartment with a roommate: that’s 3 residences in 12 months.
- I lived with my best friend and her girlfriend then my craigslist roomie then her craigslist subletter: that’s 4 roommates in 12 months.
- I moved from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific: that’s 2 coasts in 12 months.
- I cut off all of my hair on January 2: that’s 12 months of the shortest fucking hair my head has ever seen.
- I lost weight and had to learn to dress and work with a new body: if you’ve ever changed your look dramatically, you know what I mean—it’s jarring. So, 1 new body in 12 months.
- I fell in love for the first time: that’s 1 ecstatic heart in 12 months.
- I had my heart broken by romantic love for the first time (there are a million other ways to break a heart): that’s 1 extended period of tears and sobbing phone calls to my mom and closest gal pals in 12 months.
- My best friend and I stopped talking: that’s one severed heartline in 12 months.
- I got a job in retail, then I started bartending, and then I began teaching bartending: that’s 3 jobs (at one time!) in 12 months.
- Debt: let’s not even talk about it: that’s too many k’s to face in 12 months.
Everything that happened isn’t bad: I love my new hair and my new body and my new friends and even my new coast. However, everything’s taken an emotional toll and I think I burned bright—so bright, maybe too bright—this year and now I’m fizzling up and burning out. I now have no constants: my friends have changed, my home, my very body.
In 2013 I resolve to start slow and to change the way I take care of myself: what I have going now clearly isn’t a perfect system. So for the rest of 2012, I think I have to start figuring out what the new plan is so that I can find some level of consistency in my life and still feel like I’m pursuing everything I desire. Right now I’m surviving, but in 2013 I want to find a way to switch that to thriving.
wish me luck.
please… and thank you.